March 17, 2012
They say everybody gets to be Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. I say, “No thank you, I’ll pass on that.” And no I won’t kiss you because you’re Irish! I don’t want to promote stereotypes but let’s face it, the Irish Community is the filthiest, most racist, drunken degenerate group of people you will ever have the misfortune to know. Not to mention that they were the original Al Qaeda, having killed and maimed thousands of British men, women, and children during their I.R.A. bombing campaigns. Yet we let these people throw an annual parade in the streets of every major American city.
During a dark period of my life I lived in that shit fuck of a town called Boston, the filthy Mick capital of the USA. There I found myself surrounded by these disgusting sots who would constantly toss about the n-word while, at the same time, bitch about the supposed discrimination and bigotry they had to endure. They’d talk of some bullshit potato famine and how, when they came to this country, employers would advertise “Irish Need Not Apply” (can you blame them?). When it came to other ethnic groups who were proud enough to throw a parade though, they had little empathy. Of the Carribean Day Parade they would say, “if you love Carribea so much go back and have your parade there!” Of the Puerto Rican Day parade they’d say, “March in an English speaking parade or get the Hell out of this country and go back to Puerto Rico” (I didn’t bother to explain that Puerto Rico is part of the United State as arguing with the stupid is generally pointless, and the Irish are surely stupid). And yet every March the streets of South Boston would turn into rivers of vomit as the Irish would hold the most disgusting, vulgar, debaucherous of all ethnic celebrations. I can vividly recall the mobs of angry drunks with shamrocks painted on their faces standing half naked in the 30 degree weather while screaming obscenities, lighting trash cans on fire, and throwing rocks at individuals they perceived to be homosexuals. Regarding the latter, there was a big what-to-do every year about how they were going to keep the gays out of the parade. Kind of ironic when you consider that “Irish” and “Queer” are pretty much synonyms.
Anyway, being Irish should not be a source of pride on St. Patrick’s Day or any other day. Drink all the green beer you want today, dress like a leprechaun and do your silly jig, just do it well the hell away from me. And if you tell me “Erin Go Bragh” I shall tell you “Erin go Fuck Yourself”.