April 9, 2010

  • The Tastiest Pickle

    A TRUE STORY

    Back when I lived in another city, I found myself residing in a neighborhood comprised mainly of three family houses. The abode directly across the street from me was home to three gentlemen who had very curious habits involving an open window. On the top floor was Mr. Wurley. He liked to shave out the window using one of those real sharp straight edge razors, like the ones the barbers use in old cowboy movies. On the middle floor was Mr. Johnson. He liked to urinate out the window. This was much to the chagrin of passersby who occasionally found themselves  dampened by a sudden storm of yellow rain, though it was often to the delight of his neighbor below who would sometimes get soiled when the wind changed directions. That man, Mr. Von Schlonnegut, liked to eat pickles out the window – delicious Polish dills that he prepared himself!

    Well, as you know, accidents are bound to happen. One day, when all three just happened to be at their windows at the same time (though unbeknownst to them), Mr. Wurley lost his grip and his razor fell, slicing through Mr. Johnson’s johnson which happened to drop right into Mr. Von Schlonnegut’s pickle jar. Apparently oblivious to the splash it made, Mr. Von Schlonnegut reached into the jar for his next treat and, without noticing he was holding a severed phallus, bit into it and declared “Mmmmm   .   .   .  what  a delicious pickle!"

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