March 21, 2009
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Who Are You and Why Are You Telling Me This ? ? ?
I would not be so pretentious as to call myself a prophet but it is important for people to know what I think ‘cause I’ve got some important stuff floating around inside this ol’ mushroom cap of mine. The world just ain’t right and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s all due to a lack of influence on my part. If y’all only knew how it should be then certainly it would. In the meantime, the global financial markets are in collapse while our President is on Jay Leno making fun of retards, the Ruskies are trying to re-rod the Iron Curtain as North Korea and Iran attempt to go nuclear, and yet another year has passed us by without any new music from those Jamaican Kids who sang “Pass the Dutchie on the Left Hand Side”. And, on top of all that, we now all have to live in a world without Natasha Richardson – courtesy of the Canadian health care system, of which I’m sure her commie pinko mother Vanessa Redgrave was a proponent. “Take two aspirin and call me in the morning, eh. Oh wait, you can’t cuz now you ain't got no more brains, eh.” As they say, you get what you pay for and in Natasha’s case, that was a skull full of runny Jell-o (my favorite flavor – cherry red!).
So anyway, what’s a Yankee boy like me to do when he’s living down here in Dixie amongst people who just don’t get it? Quite funny you should ask. The other morning when I was shaving, I had a conversation with Abraham Lincoln’s doppelganger who happened to be hanging out in my mirror. He said “yo bitch, you guts ta go to the Xanga.” I was surprised by his lack of eloquence. “What’s you expectin’ bitch? The Gettysburg fucking address.” No Mr. President, just a little bit of class. Just a little bit Anyway, he then gave me some shit about a couple of Sons of Confederate Veterans barbecues I attended while living in Richmond. I told him I didn’t support the Confederacy or nothing, I just really liked their sauce. Then he said something about a house divided against itself and lost me. And so here I am.
More to come . . . .
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