November 22, 2013
SKANLYN’s Top Ten Worst Cities in America
Having had the opportunity to travel all around this great nation, I’ve gotten the chance to visit a lot of great places. I’ve also gotten the chance to visit a lot of terrible places. Since there’s no fun in writing or reading about the positive, over the next several days I will be counting down the top ten WORST cities in the United States.
#6. OKLAHOMA CITY, OKLAHOMA
With a skyline consisting of one building, it almost seems like an ironic joke that the word “City” would make its way into the name of Oklahoma’s capital. Well okay, there’s actually more than one building but only one is tall enough to be seen from a distance so I’m not counting the others as part of a “skyline”. Either way, if you’re looking for a big city experience, you won’t find it here. On the other hand, if you’re looking for an inner-city experience, da hoodz of OKC rank right up there with some of the best from New York, Los Angeles, and Miami – complete with an active presence from all major street gangs as well as two Mexican drug cartels.
If you’re not looking to score crack or engage in other criminal activity, you’re just unfortunate enough to have to spend some time in Oklahoma City, then the area known as “Bricktown” provides the closest facsimile to the type of entertainment district one might find in a real city (though “closest” is still a few hundred thousand or more miles away). A piss-poor imitation of the San Antonio Riverwalk, Bricktown doesn’t quite capture the charm of its counterpart in the Alamo City. While the Riverwalk stretches for miles along the San Antonio River, celebrating the city’s rich Tejano culture with Mariachi bands, Mexican folk dancers, and hundreds of unique shops and restaurants, Bricktown celebrates OKC’s culture of blandness with bricks (plain red ones) and a handful of unremarkable chain restaurants, all situated along a canal that barely stretches the length of an arena football field. But if you’re bored and hungry, you generally won’t find anything better in this town. That is unless you happen to be there in September when the State Fair is in session. For you more cosmopolitan types, a state fair is where obese people (such as every single resident of Oklahoma City) go to eat chocolate covered bacon and ride the Ferris wheel. There’s also pig judging contests (the animal of the genus sus that is, not a female resident of Oklahoma City), competitive arm wrestling, and live music from people that used to be famous. Regarding the latter, I walked by a stage where none-other than Eddie Money was performing “Take Me Home Tonight” to a crowd of about fifteen people. Ronnie Spector, who apparently hasn’t fallen on as hard times, was conspicuously absent.
Will your city be #1???