October 18, 2011
An Ancient Solution to a Modern Problem
If you’ve ever had a bitch mess around on you then you know that’s some painful shit. Trouble is, good bitches don’t exactly grow on trees so when you finally get your hands and dick on one, it can be quite discouraging to find that she’s a two-timing whore. What then is a motherfucker supposed to do? Well, first thing is to realize that she can’t help it. You see, bitches have a troublesome appendage above their meat hole called a clit. A totally useless organ, the clit serves no necessary purpose. Don’t be fooled into thinking it's harmless though. When aroused and stimulated, the clit brings about intense sexual pleasure in a bitch. And once she discovers this, FORGET ABOUT IT! Even the most prim and proper of bitches suddenly turns into a nympho slut who constantly needs to get her groove on and, if you ain’t around to help her with that shit, she’ll find someone else who is – whether that be the mailman, her mom, or a peanut butter loving dog named Scruffles.
Having dealt with a randy bitch or two in my day, I looked to the ancients for a solution to this modern day dilemma. The ancients, you see, lived back in the days when there was no TV or internet or even porno mags so they had a lot of free time to do lots of thinking. As a result, they thought up all kind of solutions to everyday problems. The solution they came up with for this one, believe it or not, was actually quite simple. That is, take the clit out of the equation.
Dating back to Egypt in the age of the Pharoahs, female circumcisions are performed to this day in such socially advanced cultures as Chad, Ethiopia, Guinea, Mali, Nigeria, Somalia, and the Sudan. While the practicehas recently come under fire by some dykey feminist bitches, all medical evidence suggests that it is a safe and effective way to keep a ho under control. For those of you who are still unsure, however, I’ve created the handy guide below to help you weigh through the pros and cons and make an informed decision on how to handle your bitch.
Discourages infidelity by eliminating the potential for significant sexual gratification
Minor pain and swelling is possible after the procedure* which can be easily managed with some Tylenol and an ice pack
In the absence of her own pleasure, frees your bitch to focus on pleasing you
Possible risk of a mild infection which can be minimized by applying Neosporin to where the clit used to be
No more wasting twenty minutes or more on pointless foreplay just so you can get your nut off
Economical – can be performed at home for the cost of a pair of scissors, some gauze, and a bottle of isopropyl alcohol
No more bitching and complaining about being too rough or not rough enough or too much direct stimulation or not enough direct stimulation or licking too fast, licking too slow, and all that other shit you gotta deal with when your bitch has a clit
Eliminates the risk of clitoral cancer
*To minimize discomfort to your bitch, it is generally recommended that you confine sexual activity to anal intercourse and fellatio for at least five to seven days. Of course, as the man, it is completely up to you as to whether you extend this consideration to your bitch.
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