October 7, 2011
Greedy, Racist, Piece of Shit Founder of Apple Dead At 56
Steve Jobs represented everything that is wrong with this country. A ruthless capitalist, he spent his life accumulating obscene wealth while the rest of us lived paycheck-to-paycheck, deprived of our basic right to free healthcare and the funds necessary to pursue happiness, as guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States of America. Mr. Jobs, you see, used that old tax loophole known as the "dollar salary" whereby rich scumbags draw a nominal paycheck of a buck each year and receive the rest of their compensation in stock options. This means that income is generated through capital gains and taxed at a much lower rate than would be a salary. Thus Mr. Jobs was able to make billions of dollars taxed at only 15% while his much lower paid employees saw their salaries taxed at ordinary income tax rates up to 35%. Meanwhile, the rest of society deteriorated in the absence of important social programs which could not be funded thanks to rich cocksuckers like Steve Jobs who refused to pay their fair share of taxes
On a personal level, Steve Jobs was an evil man if ever there was one. A megalomaniac of the highest degree, he routinely dismissed the hard work his 49,000 employees demanding that the world recognize him, and him alone, as the emporium of innovation known as Apple. He would work his engineers night and day, publicly humiliating them in front of their peers and deeming the fruits of their labor to be “worthless shit”, only to claim it as his own latest and greatest invention at the next MacWorld Expo.
Jobs ruled Apple with an iron fist. Employees would quiver in his presence, afraid to even say hi, let alone strike up a conversation with the man. He was known for randomly firing people he encountered in elevators and hallways and once even terminated his secretary on the spot when she handed him the wrong brand of bottled water.
His tenure at Apple was filled with evidence of his mean-spiritedness. One former Apple employee described a corporate picnic where he slapped an ice cream cone out of a young boy’s hand. When the child began to cry, Jobs called him “pathetic”, “worthless” and “weak”, telling him “you’re shit, you’ll always be shit but maybe someday I’ll hire you anyway just so I can fire you and ruin your life.”
Jobs didn’t care much for children. For years he denied his daughter Lisa was even his and refused to pay child support, leaving it up to the welfare system to support her and her mother. Seeing children as a barrier to his pursuit of gluttonous wealth, he held a lifelong resentment towards pregnant women. “Steve loved to make pregnant bitches cry. He knew exactly how to play around with their hormonal balance to get them good and sobbing,” says one former Product Manger who recalls how Jobs once told an expectant mother on his marketing staff, “Christ, I know you're with child and all but did you really have to get that fat.”
Jobs was also known for his aversion to people of color. While Apple’s employment ads may not have explicitly stated “Blacks Need Not Apply”, anyone who has ever visited an Apple store and observed the racial make-up of its staff will clearly recognize that this is indeed the case. Jobs made it a point to locate his stores in predominantly white neighborhoods. For his corporate headquarters, he chose Cupertino, CA – a city where African Americans make up a microscopic 0.2% of the population. He blatantly embraced his racist sentiments during an interview with Oprah Winfrey in the late 90’s when he stated that he did not make his computers for African Americans and that he wished “those people” would not buy his products. Winfrey publicly condemned his statements before asking him to leave her studio. Somehow Jobs was entirely unscathed by the incident.
Steve Jobs had everything life could offer. He could have done so much good in this world but instead chose to give the finger to those who made him rich and live a life of selfish excess. In a world wracked with social injustice (thanks to people like him) we can at least take solace in the fact that, in the end, even he could not buy his way out of death.
Steve Jobs leaves behind a wife, sister, and four children. He is widely rumored to have fucked his mother.