July 31, 2010
Cuz Men Who Cry Are Sexy!
For the life of me, I’ll never understand why most guys are just so gosh darn ashamed to show their emotions. I mean, honestly, what’s the big deal? I’ve always been a sensitive man and I always will be. Why should I be ashamed to shed a tear or three when I am sad? After all, most women find it sexy when a man cries (just look at any Cosmo poll if you don’t believe me). Give me a Nicholas Sparks' book or play me a Sarah McLachlan ballad and I’ll sob like a little girl – no apologies offered!
And why should I apologize? I don’t need to put on some tough guy façade and conform to society’s standards of masculinity. I’m perfectly comfortable in my own skin and who is anyone else to question that?
I mean, am I not manly just because I’d rather be in a yoga studio than pumping iron in a gym? Surely not!
Does it make me less of a man because I’d rather spend Sunday afternoon catching a matinee performance of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers than watching some silly football game? No way, no how!
Am I not a man just because I’m not constantly all over my girl like some sort of dog in heat? Of course not! As a real man, I seek a relationship that’s based on companionship not sex. In fact, Liza and I hardly even have sex! We’re just not that into it. When we want to get crazy, we pick up a pint of Haagen Dazs or a box of Godiva truffles and pig out while watching From Justin to Kelly on BluRay (I’ll take chocolate over sex any day, thank you very much!).
Does it make me some sort of a sissy just because I occasionally dress like Shirley Temple and sing “Good Ship Lollipop” to a pack of sailors who then bend me over a pool table and take turns proving the security of my masculinity before flipping me over to force feed me their creamy AIDS juices? If you think so then I’m inclined to think you might be the one with the sexual identity issues Mister!
Anyway, you can be a macho man all you want, living an empty life as you aimlessly drift into meaningless short-term sexual relationships with thin, blonde-haired, blue-eyed bimbos with oversized boobs and a tiresome obsession with giving blowjobs. In the mean time, I’ll be spending quality time with my girl going through Us magazine, picking out Hollywood hunks that we think would be a good match for Jen Aniston (that poor girl has had her heart broken so many times!).