March 22, 2009

  • The Sharif Don't Like It

    My Favorite  Episode of The Brady Bunch

    03/22/2009 06:54am

    No, no it’s not the one with Davy Jones (although that is a good one indeed). Nor is it that three-parter where they go to Hawaii and Bobby finds the taboo tiki idol that brings everyone bad luck. No, I’m talking about the one entitled “The Sharif Don’t Like It”, which was the very last episode to feature Cousin Oliver. It all begins on a late afternoon in May, only a few days after Mother’s Day – Oliver’s favorite holiday, even though his Mom is far away in the jungles of South America accompanying his dad on an alleged “engineering assignment”. It is on this day that Sears begins its annual women’s hosiery sale. Oliver, sick little fuck that he is, had snatched the sales circular from the Sunday paper and hid it under his mattress. A few days later when he is alone, believing everyone is far, far away, he retrieves it and begins gazing at the pages of lower female extremities encased in sheer nylon and silk, wondering how such material would feel against his meager genitals. What a freak! Completing dismissing the teachings of Mohammed in favor of short-lived sinful delights, he unfastens his trousers and proceeds to fondle himself. He closes his eyes and moans quietly to himself as he is overcome by the evil sensations of self abuse. Suddenly, the door opens and little Cindy Brady’s innocence is shattered in an instant, though she does not yet know it. She giggles as the perverted little bastard screams “Go away! Get out of here! Now!” His face is red in shame (as it should be). Shortly thereafter, the youngest Brady finds herself chatting with her elder sisters. “Jan! Jan! Marcia! Marcia!” she cries,“You’ll never guess what I saw Cousin Oliver doing!”

    At first, her sisters rebuke her for entering Oliver’s room without knocking. When they learn of what she saw, however, their attitude changes. Giggling through her lispy account of how she caught Oliver “rubbing his little pee pee”, her demeanor becomes much more solemn as she sees the serious looks that fall upon Jan’s and Marcia’s faces.

    “You’ve got to tell mom and dad about this,” declares Jan.

    “Why?” Cindy asks, “It was funny.  Is Oliver gonna be in trouble or something?” This launches Marcia into a discussion of Islamic Law. “Salami Law?” Cindy asks ever-so-innocently.

    “No, silly Islamic Law,” says Jan.

    “Oh, you mean the Qu’ran.”

    “Yes Cindy,” Marica tells her. “Mohammed told us that what Oliver was doing is a bad bad thing and he needs to be punished under the shariah.”

    Cindy is bewildered by this and is apparently oblivious to the graveness of her cousin’s sin. Jan and Marcia, however, are quite adamant that she elevate this to their parents. Of course, while they appear to be good Muslims on the surface, one cannot help but think that Cindy’s sisters may not totally be driven by their love of Allah. Perhaps there is also a certain amount of jealousy over their inability to enjoy the same hedonistic pleasures as Oliver. Such sin is, of course, no longer an option since undergoing the female circumcision rituals to which all Brady girls are subject on their tenth birthday (young Cindy has yet to experience the sacramental amputation of the clitoris and sewing of the labia, though Mike and Carol have recently talked to Sam the Butcher about catering the post clitoridectomy and infibulation reception when the time comes).

    Soon after informing their parents, the Brady Family Tribunal convenes and Oliver is sentenced to death by stoning. As Mohammed prescribes, the stones shall not be so big that they expire the condemned immediately yet not so small that they fail to cause the necessary suffering before his death. On the big day, Oliver is wrapped in his death shroud and buried to his waist in the backyard. Each family member (as well as Alice) takes their turn hurling stones at him. When it is Cindy’s turn, however, she drops her stone and runs into the house crying. Her stepfather follows. On her bed, face pressed into her pillow, she sobs. “Now Cindy,” Mike Brady tells her, “I know that this is not easy for you but you’re a young lady now. You need to grow up and be a good Muslim.”

    “But I don’t want Oliver to die,” she says.

    “I know you don’t honey but this is something you need to do. It is Allah’s will” He then begins reading a verse from the Qu’ran to her. Slowly but surely, she comes to realize the terrible thing that Oliver has done and how it is evil ones like him that anger Allah and they are the reason her people have been unable to drive the imperial Zionists from the occupied territories. She rises from the bed and with a look confidence and purpose goes back to the stoning.

    When she returns, Oliver’s face and hair are pretty bloodied. One of the lenses of his glasses is shattered and has lacerated his eye. Squinting through the other eye, a look of sheer terror comes over him when he sees Cindy pick up the stone. He screams in terror. With the wrath of Allah in her eyes, she launches the stone. Then there is silence and Oliver is still. Greg goes over to investigate. After checking the pulse in his neck he looks up and says “Heeeee’s dead!” The family then erupts into screams of delight. “We did it, we did it!” someone says as they jump for joy knowing that Allah’s will has been faithfully served this day. As the episode concludes, there’s a potato sack race (Peter wins) and a pie eating contest (Jan and Bobby tie) then the kids don their Silver Platters costumes for a spirited rendition of “Keep On, Keep On Dancing All Through the Night” before the scene dissolves to the familiar grid.

    Not sure why but it seems they haven’t rerun this episode in years. It’s a shame. Not only was it entertaining but it also provided an important moral lesson to the kids watching. Perhaps the producers of “Two and a Half Men” might take note.


Comments (49)

  • You have a very strange sense of humor.

  • My favorite episode is the one where they all die and Carol's two husbands fight about who gets to own her and her offspring in the afterlife.

  • I thought that one was titled "don't play ball in the house"?

  • @tendollar4ways - 

    Different episode.

  • You really are seeking martrydom at the hands of some enraged Muslim housewife, aren't you.

  • What's Going down i'm new to this, I stumbled upon this
    I've found It positively useful and it has
    helped me out loads. I'm hoping to contribute & aid other users like its helped me.
    Great job.

  • Hi, I do believe this is a great web site.

    I stumbledupon it ;) I am going to return once again since I book marked it.

    Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue
    to guide others.

  • I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good.
    I do not know who you are but definitely you are going to a
    famous blogger if you aren't already ;) Cheers!

  • Highly energetic article, I enjoyed that a lot.
    Will there be a part 2?

  • Article writing is also a excitement, if you know after that you can write otherwise it is complicated to write.

  • Stunning story there. What occurred after? Good luck!

  • We stumbled over here coming from a different web page and thought I might as well check
    things out. I like what I see so now i am following you.
    Look forward to exploring your web page for a second time.

  • Hello to all, how is all, I think every one is getting more from this web page, and your views are good in favor of new viewers.

  • Hello, I enjoy reading through your post. I like to write a little comment to
    support you.

  • Fine way of telling, and nice piece of writing to get information about my presentation topic, which
    i am going to convey in university.

  • Hi to all, it's truly a pleasant for me to pay a visit this site, it includes priceless Information.

  • It is actually a great and useful piece of info.
    I am happy that you just shared this helpful info with us. Please stay us
    up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

  • Hey, I think your blog might be having browser compatibility issues.
    When I look at your website in Ie, it looks fine but
    when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
    I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, wonderful blog!

  • Hi, I do think this is a great blog. I stumbledupon it ;) I
    will revisit yet again since i have book-marked it.
    Money and freedom is the best way to change,
    may you be rich and continue to guide others.

  • Fine way of telling, and good post to obtain facts concerning my presentation subject, which i am going to convey in academy.

  • Unquestionably believe that which you said. Your favorite justification seemed to be on the web the easiest thing
    to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while people think about worries that they plainly don't know about.
    You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing
    without having side-effects , people could take
    a signal. Will probably be back to get more.

  • This is my first time go to see at here and i am truly impressed to read all at one place.

  • Yes! Finally something about Foot Pain Prevention.

  • Link exchange is nothing else but it is simply placing the other person's webpage link on your page at suitable place and
    other person will also do same in support of

  • A good place to start is by firing up your computer and doing some digging
    on the World Wide Web. Pancreatic cancer might indicate grief, while liver cancer might point to anger.
    After years of pounding his feet finally said, enough.

  • He left behind the prayer rug so that anyone clever enough would see the
    pattern and escape. It's possible you'll even search for evaluations online.
    Only the pins and tumblers of the locks are replaced, thereby
    invalidating existing keys.

  • Superb blog! Do you have any tips and hints for aspiring
    writers? I'm planning to start my own blog soon but I'm a little lost on everything.
    Would you recommend starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there
    that I'm completely overwhelmed .. Any suggestions?

  • I like this post, enjoyed this one thanks for posting.

  • Keep up the great piece of content, I read few posts on this site and I think that your web blog is truly helpful and also has
    plenty of outstanding information.

  • I just now found your blog post and now I’m certainly one of your

  • I love it whenever people get together and share opinions.
    Great blog, continue the good work!

  • This text is priceless. When can I find out more?

  • 136688 867729I consider something genuinely particular in this internet site. 828616

  • Burglars usually attack a safe's door, and the best doors are made from multiple pieces of steel.
    The moment I stepped off the aeroplane in Iquitos it felt as if I
    had been hit by bolt of energy. Observe the design and the architectural style of your home.

  • Replace a malfunctioning nozzle by removing the complete nozzle assembly in the end
    hose of the gas station pump.

  • The guest rooms offer sometimes a king-sized bed or two double beds.

  • 847139 726182Exceptional publish from specialist also it will probably be a amazing know how to me and thanks quite considerably for posting this beneficial data with us all. 657147

  • Earth Toyota takes your privacy seriously and does not hire or market your
    individual information to third parties without your consent.

  • 749380 855884I was reading some of your content material on this site and I feel this internet web site is actually informative! Maintain putting up. 687248

  • These are made of various materials, when picking these windows,
    make sure aim to prevent acquiring the ones with steel spacers.

  • He uses carefully crafted dispute letters and in the completion of the injury was
    ultimately overshadowed by his old ways behind, and movies,
    they will help you get justice for your litigation. According civil law to the court really believes those words -- life, there are two different things but one needs to
    be aware of the football superstar's murdered wife, Danielle Bologna, spoke to T.

    You do not receive your money which are not able to suppress certain evidence if this decision.

  • Florida has kept the" Constitution does personal injury lawyer banning not have specific knowledge with regard to representing a number of people in the UK.

  • As soon as you learn how to stitch patchworks on the
    devices, the stitching is much faster than hand-sewing.

  • You are sure to locate machines ranging from the large industrial sewing
    equipments to the portable and also handy tabletop
    ranges on the market.

  • John Ryan, director of company property development at
    Janome, told us that a great deal of style schools equip their stitching rooms
    with this machine.

  • We actually like just how silently it stitches (it was the
    quietest of all the hand-operated devices we tested).

  • 64761 137725You can definitely see your expertise in the paintings you write. 417853

  • The Ideal Place to Install a Wireless Router Device.
    The chocks should be placed firmly against both tires in the direction of
    the grade, and sometimes on both sides if heavy items are being loaded or unloaded.
    So now you will need to think about is where you should be trying to purchase this product

  • A fencing made up of iron is not only resilient against daily wear but also unexpected occasions such as a motor vehicle striking it terribly.

Post a Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.